


Angel of Humanity

by YlvaUllsdotter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2019 Louden Swain Amazing Angela FanFic FanArt Project, ALL THE ANGST, Angela - Freeform, Angst, Castiel x Angela (OC), Human!Castiel - Freeform, Louden Swain - Freeform, Other, castiel - Freeform, spn season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 08:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18028595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YlvaUllsdotter/pseuds/YlvaUllsdotter
Summary: Before the Great Fall, Angela was one of Castiel’s friends. Now that he’s lost his grace, he wants to get in touch with her but is afraid she, like most of the angels, blames him for the Fall.





	Angel of Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [@mrswhozeewhatsis](http://mrswhozeewhatsis.tumblr.com/) [2019 Louden Swain Amazing Angela FanFic/FanArt Project](http://mrswhozeewhatsis.tumblr.com/amazingangela). The inspiration for the fic is their song, [_Angela_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtcTJT53kMY). It takes place during s9 when Castiel was human, but before he worked at the Gas-n-Sip.
> 
> Header by me.

_ _

_ “Don’t do this, Castiel, please!” _

_ Her voice was strained with desperation, trying to get him to see reason. Castiel gave her a pained look and shook his head. _

_ “I have to do this, Angela. Please understand.” _

_ Without waiting for her response, he turned and walked away, disappearing on the wings of his grace before he had taken three steps. _

* * *

Castiel shook his head to clear the memory triggered by the sight of a woman on the street. The stranger only vaguely resembled her, but it was enough to send him into the fog of recollection. He grimaced ruefully to himself and kept walking, idly fingering the few coins in his pocket.

Walking down the street, all but invisible to the throng around him, thoughts tumbled through his mind unbidden. What if he had listened to Angela? Or Naomi? Or Dean? Would Sam be dead now, sacrificed to close the gates of Hell? Would Metatron have found some other way to finish his spell? Would Naomi have him in her control again? 

With a frustrated sigh, the angel-turned-human shook his head to clear away the futile questions. What was, was, and there was no point in trying to change it after the fact. 

A brief glimpse of the sky between buildings brought to mind the feeling of floating above the clouds. He could remember what it felt like, to be nothing but a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. No physical form, just his grace, his essence. He sighed wistfully and kept walking.

Turning down an alley he passed others like himself - the homeless and destitute - all searching for something. His piercing blue eyes passed over without really seeing any of them, idly wondering what he himself was searching for. Dean had said to make his way to the Bunker, and Castiel had intended to, at first. When he had realized angels hunted him, all he had wanted was to disappear, to keep harm away from the Winchesters. No longer an angel, but still he considered himself their guardian. He scoffed to himself. Deluded, was what he was.

He caught a glimpse of long hair the color of dark honey on someone just turning around a corner ahead of him. It sparked another memory of Angela. Seeing her in his mind, his fingers turned over and over the coins in his pocket. He had a number to call, but he was afraid to. After she had begged him not to go through with Metatron’s plan, he had turned his back and ignored her. She had every right to hate him, just like the rest of the angels.

His feet carried him along the back alleys of the city while his mind wandered through the memories of her, of their time together. She had been a good soldier and a loyal friend. She had stood by him through the civil war against Raphael, and had suffered at the hands of Naomi because she stayed loyal to Castiel. She had not deserved his betrayal. None of them had.

Castiel felt like he was drowning in the memories, his eyes no longer seeing the shadowed alleys, or the people populating them. The note he had said to get in touch with her anytime, but did she really mean it. How could she? He was the reason she had fallen, the reason they had all fallen. It was his fault they were all now stranded on Earth, injured and without wings. 

Almost panting, he leaned against a cold brick wall, feeling his humanity, his mortality, keenly, like a physical pain lancing through his all too physical body. With every fiber of his being, he wished he could be with her again. He wanted to hear her voice, to look into her eyes and see her forgiveness, even though he knew in his heart that he did not deserve it.

His eyes focused on the coin in his hand. All he had to do was find a phone. But what if she hung up when she heard it was him? Even worse, just the thought of hearing the betrayal and disappointment in her voice caused an ache in his chest. 

How could he ever explain that he had thought he had been doing the right thing? That Metatron had lied and tricked him? As a Seraph, he should have seen through the scribe’s deception, but he had been so caught up in being the hero, the one who would save the angels, that he had been blind to anything else.

With a deep sigh, Castiel shoved the coin back into his pocket. What was the point? He was no longer an angel, just another invisible human at the bottom of society. Nothing he could say or do would excuse his actions. He deserved their hatred.

In his mind, he pictured her face, then locked that image up in a box. His lips formed her name,  _ Angela _ , one last time. Shoving off from the wall, he let his feet carry him along the alleyways, blending in with the other humans. Becoming invisible. 


End file.
